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Hate from Daughter? What Would You Do?

Hate from Daughter? What Would You Do?

Adult daughters often live in conflict with their mother. One of them does not hide it and speaks about it directly, complains to her friends. And someone prefers to remain silent and pretend that everything is normal in a relationship with my mother. But the fact remains, and psychologists know about the fact of my grown daughter hates me.

Letter without envelope

Yes, it happens that mom so annoys her daughter (as the daughters themselves say – “enrages”) that it makes every word and every manifestation nervous. Mother as it becomes a lightning rod, a man who is to blame for all the turmoil, result moms use to complain that your grown daughter so mean to you.

You have already lost hope of something to clarify, change, reach out, get something other than advice: support, pride of mother, praise, sympathy.

hate from daughter

When this situation does not change over the years, it is easier to move away, to replace irritation with indifference. And everything would be fine, but the need to love your parents dies only with you, even if you think that this need is already carefully buried by you.

You should write a letter to your mother and say in it what you are unhappy with, what you would like to change and what you expect from your mother. The letter does not need to give her, you need it, not her.

There is an expression: discontent with others is a projection of dissatisfaction with oneself. An adult daughter, like any person, may have different reasons for dissatisfaction: lack of employment, lack of money, lack of implementation in the profession, uncertainty of one’s position. But the main one reason of moms keep saying “my adult daughter hates me” is the relationship with a man.

If the daughter does not have a man, then she believes that the mother is indirectly to blame for this. If he is there, but the relationship with him is unstable and does not add up the way a young woman wants, then the fault is also shifted to the mother. If the daughter has a husband, then the mother will still be the lightning rod. After all, her daughter’s husband will not express everything that she thinks: she is afraid of conflict, is afraid of spoiling relations with him. And negative feelings are accumulating, so she throws her discontent and irritation on the mother.

grown daughter hates me


Most often this is obtained unconsciously, without malicious intent. Just mom is mom, she has to understand, take it all on herself and forgive. So it should be.

All children eventually begin to show signs of frustration with their “ancestors”. This is normal, it is growing up, the separation process is underway. If the daughter admires you endlessly, she will never risk breaking away from your skirt. Now she should have another object for idealization – a man.

So just stay close to her. Let her even be disappointed in you. In response to her claims, say that you may not be the best mother (yes, there are no perfect mothers), but you love her and do everything for her that you can.

Every mother doubts that she is a good mother, and this is exactly what allows her to be a good mother. And each mother experiences the separation process when your grown daughter hates you, even if both sides do not show it. Release your daughter, she will return to you.